Monday, April 25, 2011

Dude, Where's my wagon?

OK, so my attempt at referencing an Ashton Kutcher movie is pitiful, especially since I have never seen the movie, but it was too easy, so I had to. I have fallen so far off the dieting/exercise wagon, that I am not even sure where it is.

Last Monday I lost a pound, so a brief Yay for that :)  But at today's weigh-in, I gained a pound and a half, so Boo for that. Turns out I have lost my motivation, or so it seems.

As I was writing the previous blog, I really felt I was doing better, that things would be looking up. My eating habits were stellar. My exercise was not bad, not amazing, but easy to increase, right?

This past week, I have only exercised twice. I ran Wednesday, but it was a shorter run, only 25 minutes, not the usual 40. I was sure Saturday would be a turn-around, as my expert running cousin was in from out of town. I haven't seen her since I was probably 10, so I was doubly excited about this. Not only to learn tips and hints about running, but also to catch up on our lives. Although, I have to say the catching up might have been hard to do as I'm gasping for air during the run :)  However, I'm sad to say it rained. A lot. With lightning. And we all know, When thunder roars, stay indoors. So, no running outside. I did run on the treadmill, for about 30 minutes. And I did up my speed a little on the treadmill, so I felt good about that.
I did have one really good eating moment (I think). We went to my cousin's wedding and I refrained from eating food or cake, though I did drink a Pepsi... Bummer... I forgot about that. And party mints. The good part comes in a minute I guess.

So after the wedding, we went to see my aunt in the hospital, which was a great time as I haven't seen her in a while and she's so fun, and then we went to Tascalli's. I REALLY, and I mean REALLY wanted the cheese ravioli, which they serve half with marinara sauce and half with Alfredo sauce, and top it with mozzarella cheese. Delicious!! How could I turn that down? But I refrained. Instead, I chose the chicken with the sweet and tangy sauce (BTW, if any of you know the nutrition facts of this meal, I'm not sure I want to know. I'm afraid that I will find out it is worse for me than the ravioli...) along with mashed potatoes and wild rice. It was yummy and I felt good about the choice. (Actually, I only ate one of the chicken breasts and forgot that I brought the other one home, so yay me... lunch tomorrow! :)

Sunday, however was a different story. It was Easter. We went to Shawn's mom's for dinner after church. I fixed a few things to take there and couldn't make myself stay away from the bad things. Macaroni and cheese (which you might think isn't the traditional Easter dinner, but it's kind of like bread for us - perfect with any meal :)  and ham and a piece of chocolate pie. My stomach is growling right now...

And now for today... I took Noah to the orthodontist this morning. His braces were supposed to be removed. Yay, right? It should be a happy occasion!

The appointment was at 8:30 a.m. We were a couple of minutes late and Noah went back after a few minutes. I settled into a good book, waiting on things to happen back there. I really had no idea how much time I expected it to take. I've never had braces, so this is all new to me. Noah hadn't been back there long, when his orthodontic (assistant? hygienist? not sure what the right term is, but I will go with assistant) comes to get me. She said "We need you." Yikes. I go back and Noah is completely freaked out. Crying. She said, "He doesn't want to get the retainer." I don't know why it didn't occur to me that he would have to get a mold made to form the retainer. The mold had seriously traumatizd him from the initial braces.

I tried to give him the pep talk. Noah, it's going to be fine. You're brave. You can do this. It's going to be okay. I'll be right here... blah, blah, blah. That's what he heard. So he says, "No! I'm not doing it!!" My perfectly obedient child goes through some sort of metamorphasis of evil when the pink goo for the mold comes out. The assistant and orthodontist both seem pretty frustrated, as this is not a quick process. She would try to put the tray in his mouth, he would clamp his lips shut tighter than my size 8 jeans. When it was finally wedged in there, the gagging would commence...

This went on for what seemed like decades of my life, until the orthodontist stepped in and said he would try it. He said the mouth trays were too large for Noah's tiny mouth, so he whittled some down smaller and Noah tried it, unhappily, but without gagging. So he rushes over to the sink to mix the goo to put in the tray that will soon be placed in Noah's cute perfectly straight-toothed mouth. Only Noah is wiping his tears and his nose when the orthodontist comes over to quickly put it in (apparently this stuff has a short window before it becomes cement). The orthodontist, understandably frustrated, says we're probably going to have to come back another day. He comes back a minute later and says Noah and I can go into another room to talk. So I go back to the room. I'm torn between threatening grounding for eternity and bribing him with, well, anything he wants. I didn't. Seeing him in tears brings me to tears, but I try to control it. We're in public after all, and there are probably 15 other patients and parents in the same room as Noah getting their own teeth tightened and gooed.

He  finally feels like he can do it, so we go back out. The job gets done, even though he still gagged during a lot of the process, but it is over. We left to get a drink and a snack and had to come back 30 minutes later to get the retainer. He was a super happy and relieved kid when it was over. I, on the other hand, remained stressed for a while, and took him to lunch at McDonald's before taking him back to school (we were at the orthodontist so long, his lunch time at school was already over). I ordered a 10-piece McNugget meal, with fries. Fries and deep-fried chicken parts! What was I thinking?  It was like some sort of natural reaction. Like something just took over.

Not proud of that. And not that it's an excuse, but at least it explains it.

So, here's hoping for a better week. A week of more exercising and fewer McNuggets. And hopefully a week of more pounds lost, as well as a new desire to find my wagon.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The dress! :)

First update is that I weighed in Monday (4/11) and lost another 2 1/2 pounds! Yay :)  I am doubtful that tomorrow morning's weigh-in will go that well, but I am still happy from this week, so that's okay :) Here is the big news... drum-roll please..... (da, da, da, da... )

I bought the dress! And an even bigger accomplishment... I wore it!
If you've read my previous blogs, you understand what a big deal this is. I haven't worn a dress in several years. I hated how I looked in dresses.

Now, whether this means that I have lost enough weight and exercised enough to tone various places on my body, or if it just means that I have become comfortable enough with my body to not be incredibly self-conscious about what I look like, I am not sure. But I have to think that either of those is a good thing :)

I realized I haven't posted any pictures of this whole process on here yet, and in all honesty it was probably because of fear. But here we go. I'm posting a couple of "before" pictures here....These were both taken toward the end of 2010.

Now... If you can take the focus off of my messy kitchen or my 80s clothes, lol, you can get the picture. I will call these my "before" pictures. I'm not sure what to call my next picture. I can't really say "after," because at 27 1/2 pounds of weight loss, I am only halfway to my goal. So I guess we will call this my "during" picture :) 

I feel a little more in the groove of things this week. I have exercised a couple of times, though I admit it should have been more. I have eaten healthfully. All in all, an improvement. :)

One thing I seem to have forgotten in all my years of not wearing a dress... Wind and full dresses. Yikes! My apologies to everyone driving on Rt. 60 in front of Foodfair this evening :)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

birthday cake icing, the wagon, and sadness

Last Monday (3/28), I weighed in and it was bad, but not as bad as I expected. I gained 2 pounds. I had not been eating or exercising like I should have been. Or taking my thyroid medicine. So, really I'm glad it was just 2 pounds.

The rest of the week didn't get a whole lot better as far as my commitment. It was a crazy-busy week. I worked a couple of evenings last week, and then there was Noah's birthday party planning and cake-baking. The icing... Oh, the icing. I sampled way more than I should have, as of course it is much easier to lick it off my fingers than to wash my hands, right? And I had a piece of cake and ice cream at the party. Yum :) 

In the midst of all the busyness, I neglected my exercising the entire week. I was super scared that it was going to be the end. It seems the longer you put something off, the easier it is to put it off a little longer, until it seems impossible to get back to it. I was afraid I was off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? Not sure, but I was afraid it was bad.

When I chose to do this blog, I knew there would be bad weeks. I committed to writing about the good stuff and the bad crumminess. I had full intentions. Then, in the midst of all the busyness and stress of last week, I didn't write. I can't help but feel that if it were going to be an exciting, braggy blog for the week, I would have felt more inspired. Slightly disappointed in myself about that...

But this week is a 2-for-1. Or maybe a 3-for-1, as there are some other things on my mind tonight in addition to my health, but we'll see how it goes.

I made a couple of goals for myself on the last blog - choosing new goal pants, setting a new goal and reward for myself, get my prescription filled and take my medicine regularly, and drink lots of water.
Here's how that went -

I did get my medicine filled and am back to taking it regularly. Yay! I have not chosen my new goal pants yet. I considered choosing a goal dress (I'm still super excited about the idea of being comfortable enough with myself to wear a cute dress this summer), but decided it was too subjective. It wouldn't be so much that I fit into the dress, but whether I thought it would look good enough, and I'm not that nice to myself. I don't know how long that could've taken... So I still need to choose the pants. Will do it by next week.

In addition, I will set a new goal and reward for myself. I failed to do that also. I want it to be something far enough away that I will have to work on it, but not so far that I can't see it happening. And the water... the water. I am not drinking water at all. :(  I hope to do better with that this week too. Wish me luck on that one. Cherry Coke Zero just tastes so much better!!!

Sunday night, I did get back into the swing of things in my exercising. Yay! It amazes me how God sends the right people with the right words to encourage me. I had several people over the weekend tell me how great it was that I had lost weight, (okay, they said it much nicer than it came out typed....haha), and that it was awesome that I was able to run a 5K. After hearing all the nice things, I couldn't let myself down and skip for even one more day. So I climbed on that treadmill, Ipod in place, and listened to a good podcast along with a few songs at the end. My goal for running was 41 minutes and 2 seconds, to match my 5K time. I did it!! Yay!

This brings me to this week's weigh-in. Monday morning (4/4/11) I weighed in losing the 2 pounds gained the previosu week, and losing an additional 2 pounds! A total of 4 pounds that week. This brings me to a grand total of .... Wait for it... Wait for it... 25 pounds!! yay!

I also ran again today, which felt great. I ran outside. The weather was beautiful, perfect actually. Blue skies, sun shining, birds chirping, breeze blowing :)  Thanks God :)  I ran a little over the 3.1 miles of a 5K and did it a little faster than I have in previous weeks. Success :)

I couldn't be happier about that. But tonight I am also sad. About something completely unrelated to my health, failures, or successes.

I got a call on the way to church from my friend Lori from work. She told me about a wreck that happened this afternoon, killing a high school senior. The reason she wanted to tell me was that it was a student I had interviewed earlier this year for a story.

At the time, I was interviewing some of the best students of the county, one from each school district. So I think I covered somewhere between 8 and 10 students in a short amount of time. When she first mentioned his name, I couldn't place him right off. But then I remembered him.

He was in the middle of gym class when I had stopped by the school to talk to him. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with him. Maybe 10 minutes. He was a great kid. Polite, smart, athletic. Perfect grades. I also remember him telling me how influential his church and his youth pastor was in his life. I came home and re-read the story I had written earlier this year. I saw that he had plans on going on a missions trip to Ecuador this summer. My heart is breaking for his family.

Of course my thoughts went to Noah, and the horror I would be feeling if it were him. I can't imagine what that student's parents must be going through.

After I got to church, I couldn't help but look around the room in our youth group at each of those kids and feel so much. I love those kids like they're my own. The idea that someday, it could be us getting a call that something has happened to one of them kept filling my mind. My heart was so heavy as I was thinking about each of them.

I worry because not all of them say they have a relationship with God. I want them to know Him the way He wants to know them. I've always wanted that for them, but now it just seems so much more urgent. Please pray for me, in lots of areas, but that I will do my best to encourage these kids and show God's love to them.

And pray that I can stay away from the Girl Scout cookies in my pantry...

Thanks for reading,

***Update - Ok, so I'm glad I didn't list the student's name, because he wasn't the one who died in the car accident. Lori texted me this morning to say that our source for that bit of information wasn't all that reliable and it was incorrect. It might have been his father who passed away, but I'm not positive about that either.

But either way, as sad as I was during the time I thought it was the student, it made me really think about a lot of things and put some things in perspective, and for that I am thankful.