Okay, so I was at Wal-Mart the other day, after a long day at work. And it was a Monday - did I mention that? My hair was frumpy, pulled up in a clippie, and my makeup was well past worn off. Just when I thought I couldn't feel crummier, I see her. No one I knew, a complete stranger. She was gorgeous. She had perfect hair, was at least 6 feet tall, and was more fit than I have seen anyone in a long time. Her clothes were fabulous and she was wearing high heels! to Wal-Mart! She was listening to her iPod as she was shopping, because that's what really cool people do, and she was buying all this fancy food, including, but not limited to, the enormously large loaf of French bread from the deli/bakery, the kind of bread everyone in movies has sticking out of their single brown paper grocery bag after a shopping trip.
I realize, at this point, it probably seems like I was stalking this unsuspecting stranger, and it's possible I was. I like to think it was really some sick sort of fate as to why we kept ending up in the same aisles.
I am a relatively insecure person, and I'm not too proud to admit that. That's something I have struggled with from the time I first became interested in boys. Instinctively, when I saw Wal-Mart girl, my first thought was to wonder why I am not that thin, that tall, that put together. While I cannot be held responsible for my short stature, the other stuff is something I am in charge of. So I began unconsciously going over a list of all the things I dislike about myself and then I had to stop.
For the first time in a long time I have seen that I don't have to compare myself to anyone else. God loves me. Period. Not because I am pretty or smart or tall or short or anything else. He just loves me. It's not a contest. I don't have to measure up to Wal-Mart girl or anyone else. God doesn't judge me by them, so who am I to try to do that? And if God loves me, why would I worry about what mere people think?
Not to mention, I would almost bet there is something Wal-Mart girl even feels insecure about or someone she feels intimidated by. None of us are perfect.
I still have a long way to go in my battle with my insecrities. I have to remind myself frequently that my Jesus loves me and if He thinks I am worth something, it must be true.
I left Wal-Mart feeling a little better and I'm hoping I'm on my way to a more secure idea of who I am and who God is helping me become.
I also left there glad I wasn't Wal-Mart girl, as I saw her lean over to get her whole-grain pasta and saw her low-cut jeans reveal, to me and everyone else in the aisle, her thong underwear! *snicker* :)
