He restores my soul

My "health" blog has been unintentinally on a bit of a break this summer, as are my healthy efforts, but I miss writing the blog and had some other thoughts I wanted to write about tonight...

Growing up in church and getting most of my education at a Christian school, I feel like I've heard the 23rd Psalm more times than my own name. Not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes we can hear something over and over until it begins to lose meaning. But I love it when something jumps out at you when you least expect it.

I was at a funeral yesterday and Psalm 23 was read. As the speaker was reading... The Lord is my shepherd... He makes me lie down in green pastures... He restores my soul...

He restores my soul.

Dicitonary.com defines restore as "to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor."

I can't count the times I have needed my soul restored. I have felt depleted, I have felt empty, I have felt exhausted, I have felt I'm at the end of my rope. I have felt like a failure, I have felt alone, I have felt broken.

I feel the opposite of someone restored.

Then God finds a perfect way to remind me that I am His. Even if I have screwed up - and believe me, I have. Countless times. He loves on me, reminding me that I am His baby girl, the one He loved more than life. He reminds me that He doesn't love me because I'm perfect and when I'm imperfect it doesn't change His love for me. He just loves me. Period. Nothing I could ever do will make Him love me more and nothing I could ever do could make Him love me less. He just loves me.

And He loves me enough to continue to restore me, over and over.

When God restores, He really restores. And I am thankful.

Stepping it up a notch :)

So, it's been two weeks since my last blog. I posted about how great the Memorial Day 5K went and how I had made a weight-loss goal, yay me, blah blah blah. Well, since then, I have done nothing :(  I haven't exercised even one time and I had several instances of eating things that were bad for me. Consequently, I have put 4 pounds back on. Not surprising. I know I tend to resort to food when I am happy, sad, stressed, etc. I have felt a little bummed and stressed over the last couple of weeks, for various reasons, and easily turned to food, knowing that it wasn't the answer.

But... starting today, I am stepping it up a notch.

After talking about needing to exercise again, the husband wisely commented that I seemed to stick to this whole exercise thing better when I was following the Couch to 5K program (which, if anyone is interested in checking out, and I highly recommend it, can be found at  http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml ). I decided I need a new plan. So... today I began a 10K training program! :)  Yay! If anyone else is interested, it is found here: http://blog.c25kapp.com/about-bridge-to-10k/ . Tonight I did the first run for Week 1 and it felt great! Why did I wait so long?

Oh, and to the left is my most recent pair of goal pants. Super excited about some day fitting into them :)

I ate well today - banana and Nutrigrain bar for breakfast, followed by a grilled chicken sandwich and baked potato for lunch and two Fresco chicken soft tacos and a side of rice from Taco Bell. I even drank water today. That's right, I drank water. I am a serious pop drinker, and while I have been drinking diet pop since the weight loss plan began, I drink a lot of it and no water. So today, I limited myself to only drink pop with my meals, and not putting the Cherry Coke Zero on my desk to sip on throughout the morning. I drank water.

While I am very excited about how today has gone, I am apprehensive to assume the rest of my week will be equally successful. I am hopeful though. Tune in next week and I'll tell you, good or bad :)

Thanks so much for reading! :)

Memorial Day 5K and Outback :)

It's been waaaayyy too long since I last posted anything. I can blame it on a couple of things... I have been really busy (but I was busy when I was posting regularly too, so it's not a good excuse)... and I have a hard time writing a peppy blog when I am crabby, and I had a few crabby days. I also am ashamed to admit it, but I had a couple of bad weigh-ins at home and some not-so-stellar exercise weeks, along with more-than-average bad eating days (hence the bad weigh-ins), and I became uninspired. However, things have picked up and I have made a little progress.

I'm not even sure where to start on pounds gained and lost, so I will go straight for the grand total of weight loss since the beginning of the year... Here it comes.... 35.5 pounds! I'm so excited about this. This was precisely my Memorial Day goal. Some may consider it cheating, but I did wait to weigh myself after I ran today's 5K and then walked in the parade. I was a half of a pound away from the goal, so I promptly stripped the sweat-soaked T-shirt and sports bra off, along with every hair clippy in my head (sorry for the graphic image, haha) Once everything removable was removed, my weight was exactly what I had hoped. I'm counting it :) 

Like a said a minute ago, I ran a 5K today. The Veteran's Memorial Day 5K in Ironton. Shawn, Noah and I ran it together. It was the first one for Shawn and Noah and my third. Because I have already done this before, and Shawn hadn't, I told him I would stay back with Noah and that he should go on. That was clearly not necessary! Noah ditched me after about a mile and a half. I am still amazed. Just last Saturday, Noah practiced with me at his maw-maw's house and we both circled her neighborhood enough times to equal 3.1 miles. He did great, but stayed right with me. A few times I waited on him to catch his breath or tie his shoes, so naturally I assumed he would be slower than me. If we would have bet on this I would think I have been hustled! :)  He was awesome. I can't believe it, but he ran the whole thing in 33:29! Shawn did great as well, finishing at 29 minutes - this after he couldn't even finish it a few nights ago in our neighborhood. My time, while not nearly as impressive as either of theirs, was 36:53! I'm very happy about this!! My goal each race - other than just finishing it alive - is to beat my last time, and so far, that's what I have done. Yay!

Eating out at restaurants and trying to stay healthy is difficult, I have decided. We had a great time this weekend with family from out of town, and had dinner Sunday at Outback. I decided to peruse the menu Saturday night to make sure I knew what healthy item I could order. I am so glad I did! I would have chosen

grilled chicken on the barbie and a house salad, which sounds very healthy. When I calculated the nutritional information on the restaurants website (which is super cool that you can do that), those two little seemingly healthful foods would have had 43.5 grams of fat!

So, I looked at side options and ways to cut some fat grams. Apparently they put butter on EVERYTHING in Australia... or at least at Outback in Barboursville. I do love me some butter. In fact, I remember my mom saying I used to eat butter sandwiches for snacks at my grandmother's house. (Could explain the high cholesterol these days, huh? :)  Anyway, when you take the butter off the chicken, it went from 20 grams of fat to just 8. I ended up ordering the 6 oz. Outback special, no butter, with fresh vegetables, minus butter, and a baked potato with only sour cream and chives on the side. According to the nutrition tool on the website, the entire meal was only 18.6 fat grams. Much better. Oh, and technically, it was fewer than that because I had a lot of sour cream left on the side :) Yay :)

Thanks for reading, and I will hopefully be posting again soon! :)

Jen

Back on track, 5K, and goal pants :)

Better week :)  I weighed in Monday, losing the pound and a half I had gained the previous week! Yay. I feel a little back on track. My eating habits have been much better this week. I'm pleased. I'm hoping for good results Monday morning :)

My thyroid medicine is a different story. As usual, I finished my month's refill, and forgot to call in a new refill. :(  I will do this though. I will get back in the habit.

Now, for the best news. I ran in another 5K! My second one ever! I was so hoping to beat my last time, but I was concerned I might not, because the last few weeks, my running sessions have dropped dramatically. First I was busy, then didn't feel so great, then I would get these weird head pains that would pop up right when I thought about running... strange, huh? :)  I had lots of excuses, and then finally, I'll admit it, I was just lazy. Even the idea of running was  exhausting. But I haven't given up.

So I went to the 5K with my friend Christy, and I'm so glad I did. I met her in Hurricane bright and early Saturday at 7:30 a.m., and we left from there to go to the state capitol, where there was a ton of people! We lined up at 8:50 and shortly after 9:00, we were off...  It was great! Well, after it was over it was great :) 

The view was great! Right beside the water, and the ground was flat. But it was still hard. I'm not sure why, but I guess I assumed it would be so much easier this time, since I have been running longer than when I tried the last 5K.  I had all sorts of mental excuses as to why I couldn't go faster... too many layers on making me sweaty, not bringing my iPod to have something distracting me, and that super heavy 10-ounce bottle of water that they handed me and I couldn't finish, but couldn't stand to toss on the ground with the hundreds of others. It was like running with a weight. :)

I did okay though. I was concerned about 3/4 of the way through, when I felt a little dizzy... I thought of how embarrassing it would be if I just collapsed on the road, not making it to the finish line. How could I blog about that??! That would have been humiliating. But, thankfully, I didn't. I kept going.

I tried to keep track of my time with my stopwatch feature on my phone, and restricted myself to only looking at it at the halfway point, and then near the end. My halfway time was pretty good, then when I got close to the end, I glanced down and saw that it was something like 26 seconds. I was worried for a minute that I had gone longer than an hour and it might have rolled over... Yikes! But fortunately, I must have pushed the clear button or something.

All in all, I am happy with how I did. I was concerned during the race when I was passed by a sleeping baby. By the time the sixth sleeping baby passed, I was traumatized to the point that I had to laugh about it. I started looking around at the few people still running, and didn't see any numbers on their shirts. So everyone around me were the non-timed runners or walkers. Not a good sign. :)  

Turns out, I finished the race in 38 minutes and 26 seconds!! I even finished before 62 other timed runners! Never mind that I came in 688th place, being beaten by 92 percent of them...  I beat 8 percent of the other timed runners :)  Yay!! (How's that for an optimistic glass of 8 percent full? :) 

Seriously, though, I was really proud of myself and it totally made my day. I think it inspired me to run more. I even ran tonight after church. I'm sore, but it's worth it :)

On a side note, I have picked out new goal pants!! I went through the archives, i.e., bottom drawer, and chose a pair of black pants that I hope to be in, comfortably, eventually :)

I also set a new, short-term goal, of losing 6 1/2 pounds by Memorial Day. We'll see if it happens. Not a big deal if it doesn't, but it would be great :)

Thanks so much for reading! I weigh in again tomorrow. Wish me luck!! :)

Jen

Dude, Where's my wagon?

OK, so my attempt at referencing an Ashton Kutcher movie is pitiful, especially since I have never seen the movie, but it was too easy, so I had to. I have fallen so far off the dieting/exercise wagon, that I am not even sure where it is.

Last Monday I lost a pound, so a brief Yay for that :)  But at today's weigh-in, I gained a pound and a half, so Boo for that. Turns out I have lost my motivation, or so it seems.

As I was writing the previous blog, I really felt I was doing better, that things would be looking up. My eating habits were stellar. My exercise was not bad, not amazing, but easy to increase, right?

This past week, I have only exercised twice. I ran Wednesday, but it was a shorter run, only 25 minutes, not the usual 40. I was sure Saturday would be a turn-around, as my expert running cousin was in from out of town. I haven't seen her since I was probably 10, so I was doubly excited about this. Not only to learn tips and hints about running, but also to catch up on our lives. Although, I have to say the catching up might have been hard to do as I'm gasping for air during the run :)  However, I'm sad to say it rained. A lot. With lightning. And we all know, When thunder roars, stay indoors. So, no running outside. I did run on the treadmill, for about 30 minutes. And I did up my speed a little on the treadmill, so I felt good about that.
I did have one really good eating moment (I think). We went to my cousin's wedding and I refrained from eating food or cake, though I did drink a Pepsi... Bummer... I forgot about that. And party mints. The good part comes in a minute I guess.

So after the wedding, we went to see my aunt in the hospital, which was a great time as I haven't seen her in a while and she's so fun, and then we went to Tascalli's. I REALLY, and I mean REALLY wanted the cheese ravioli, which they serve half with marinara sauce and half with Alfredo sauce, and top it with mozzarella cheese. Delicious!! How could I turn that down? But I refrained. Instead, I chose the chicken with the sweet and tangy sauce (BTW, if any of you know the nutrition facts of this meal, I'm not sure I want to know. I'm afraid that I will find out it is worse for me than the ravioli...) along with mashed potatoes and wild rice. It was yummy and I felt good about the choice. (Actually, I only ate one of the chicken breasts and forgot that I brought the other one home, so yay me... lunch tomorrow! :)

Sunday, however was a different story. It was Easter. We went to Shawn's mom's for dinner after church. I fixed a few things to take there and couldn't make myself stay away from the bad things. Macaroni and cheese (which you might think isn't the traditional Easter dinner, but it's kind of like bread for us - perfect with any meal :)  and ham and a piece of chocolate pie. My stomach is growling right now...

And now for today... I took Noah to the orthodontist this morning. His braces were supposed to be removed. Yay, right? It should be a happy occasion!

The appointment was at 8:30 a.m. We were a couple of minutes late and Noah went back after a few minutes. I settled into a good book, waiting on things to happen back there. I really had no idea how much time I expected it to take. I've never had braces, so this is all new to me. Noah hadn't been back there long, when his orthodontic (assistant? hygienist? not sure what the right term is, but I will go with assistant) comes to get me. She said "We need you." Yikes. I go back and Noah is completely freaked out. Crying. She said, "He doesn't want to get the retainer." I don't know why it didn't occur to me that he would have to get a mold made to form the retainer. The mold had seriously traumatizd him from the initial braces.

I tried to give him the pep talk. Noah, it's going to be fine. You're brave. You can do this. It's going to be okay. I'll be right here... blah, blah, blah. That's what he heard. So he says, "No! I'm not doing it!!" My perfectly obedient child goes through some sort of metamorphasis of evil when the pink goo for the mold comes out. The assistant and orthodontist both seem pretty frustrated, as this is not a quick process. She would try to put the tray in his mouth, he would clamp his lips shut tighter than my size 8 jeans. When it was finally wedged in there, the gagging would commence...

This went on for what seemed like decades of my life, until the orthodontist stepped in and said he would try it. He said the mouth trays were too large for Noah's tiny mouth, so he whittled some down smaller and Noah tried it, unhappily, but without gagging. So he rushes over to the sink to mix the goo to put in the tray that will soon be placed in Noah's cute perfectly straight-toothed mouth. Only Noah is wiping his tears and his nose when the orthodontist comes over to quickly put it in (apparently this stuff has a short window before it becomes cement). The orthodontist, understandably frustrated, says we're probably going to have to come back another day. He comes back a minute later and says Noah and I can go into another room to talk. So I go back to the room. I'm torn between threatening grounding for eternity and bribing him with, well, anything he wants. I didn't. Seeing him in tears brings me to tears, but I try to control it. We're in public after all, and there are probably 15 other patients and parents in the same room as Noah getting their own teeth tightened and gooed.

He  finally feels like he can do it, so we go back out. The job gets done, even though he still gagged during a lot of the process, but it is over. We left to get a drink and a snack and had to come back 30 minutes later to get the retainer. He was a super happy and relieved kid when it was over. I, on the other hand, remained stressed for a while, and took him to lunch at McDonald's before taking him back to school (we were at the orthodontist so long, his lunch time at school was already over). I ordered a 10-piece McNugget meal, with fries. Fries and deep-fried chicken parts! What was I thinking?  It was like some sort of natural reaction. Like something just took over.

Not proud of that. And not that it's an excuse, but at least it explains it.

So, here's hoping for a better week. A week of more exercising and fewer McNuggets. And hopefully a week of more pounds lost, as well as a new desire to find my wagon.

The dress! :)

First update is that I weighed in Monday (4/11) and lost another 2 1/2 pounds! Yay :)  I am doubtful that tomorrow morning's weigh-in will go that well, but I am still happy from this week, so that's okay :) Here is the big news... drum-roll please..... (da, da, da, da... )

I bought the dress! And an even bigger accomplishment... I wore it!
If you've read my previous blogs, you understand what a big deal this is. I haven't worn a dress in several years. I hated how I looked in dresses.

Now, whether this means that I have lost enough weight and exercised enough to tone various places on my body, or if it just means that I have become comfortable enough with my body to not be incredibly self-conscious about what I look like, I am not sure. But I have to think that either of those is a good thing :)

I realized I haven't posted any pictures of this whole process on here yet, and in all honesty it was probably because of fear. But here we go. I'm posting a couple of "before" pictures here....These were both taken toward the end of 2010.

Now... If you can take the focus off of my messy kitchen or my 80s clothes, lol, you can get the picture. I will call these my "before" pictures. I'm not sure what to call my next picture. I can't really say "after," because at 27 1/2 pounds of weight loss, I am only halfway to my goal. So I guess we will call this my "during" picture :) 

I feel a little more in the groove of things this week. I have exercised a couple of times, though I admit it should have been more. I have eaten healthfully. All in all, an improvement. :)

One thing I seem to have forgotten in all my years of not wearing a dress... Wind and full dresses. Yikes! My apologies to everyone driving on Rt. 60 in front of Foodfair this evening :)

birthday cake icing, the wagon, and sadness

Last Monday (3/28), I weighed in and it was bad, but not as bad as I expected. I gained 2 pounds. I had not been eating or exercising like I should have been. Or taking my thyroid medicine. So, really I'm glad it was just 2 pounds.

The rest of the week didn't get a whole lot better as far as my commitment. It was a crazy-busy week. I worked a couple of evenings last week, and then there was Noah's birthday party planning and cake-baking. The icing... Oh, the icing. I sampled way more than I should have, as of course it is much easier to lick it off my fingers than to wash my hands, right? And I had a piece of cake and ice cream at the party. Yum :) 

In the midst of all the busyness, I neglected my exercising the entire week. I was super scared that it was going to be the end. It seems the longer you put something off, the easier it is to put it off a little longer, until it seems impossible to get back to it. I was afraid I was off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? Not sure, but I was afraid it was bad.

When I chose to do this blog, I knew there would be bad weeks. I committed to writing about the good stuff and the bad crumminess. I had full intentions. Then, in the midst of all the busyness and stress of last week, I didn't write. I can't help but feel that if it were going to be an exciting, braggy blog for the week, I would have felt more inspired. Slightly disappointed in myself about that...

But this week is a 2-for-1. Or maybe a 3-for-1, as there are some other things on my mind tonight in addition to my health, but we'll see how it goes.

I made a couple of goals for myself on the last blog - choosing new goal pants, setting a new goal and reward for myself, get my prescription filled and take my medicine regularly, and drink lots of water.
Here's how that went -

I did get my medicine filled and am back to taking it regularly. Yay! I have not chosen my new goal pants yet. I considered choosing a goal dress (I'm still super excited about the idea of being comfortable enough with myself to wear a cute dress this summer), but decided it was too subjective. It wouldn't be so much that I fit into the dress, but whether I thought it would look good enough, and I'm not that nice to myself. I don't know how long that could've taken... So I still need to choose the pants. Will do it by next week.

In addition, I will set a new goal and reward for myself. I failed to do that also. I want it to be something far enough away that I will have to work on it, but not so far that I can't see it happening. And the water... the water. I am not drinking water at all. :(  I hope to do better with that this week too. Wish me luck on that one. Cherry Coke Zero just tastes so much better!!!

Sunday night, I did get back into the swing of things in my exercising. Yay! It amazes me how God sends the right people with the right words to encourage me. I had several people over the weekend tell me how great it was that I had lost weight, (okay, they said it much nicer than it came out typed....haha), and that it was awesome that I was able to run a 5K. After hearing all the nice things, I couldn't let myself down and skip for even one more day. So I climbed on that treadmill, Ipod in place, and listened to a good podcast along with a few songs at the end. My goal for running was 41 minutes and 2 seconds, to match my 5K time. I did it!! Yay!

This brings me to this week's weigh-in. Monday morning (4/4/11) I weighed in losing the 2 pounds gained the previosu week, and losing an additional 2 pounds! A total of 4 pounds that week. This brings me to a grand total of .... Wait for it... Wait for it... 25 pounds!! yay!

I also ran again today, which felt great. I ran outside. The weather was beautiful, perfect actually. Blue skies, sun shining, birds chirping, breeze blowing :)  Thanks God :)  I ran a little over the 3.1 miles of a 5K and did it a little faster than I have in previous weeks. Success :)

I couldn't be happier about that. But tonight I am also sad. About something completely unrelated to my health, failures, or successes.

I got a call on the way to church from my friend Lori from work. She told me about a wreck that happened this afternoon, killing a high school senior. The reason she wanted to tell me was that it was a student I had interviewed earlier this year for a story.

At the time, I was interviewing some of the best students of the county, one from each school district. So I think I covered somewhere between 8 and 10 students in a short amount of time. When she first mentioned his name, I couldn't place him right off. But then I remembered him.

He was in the middle of gym class when I had stopped by the school to talk to him. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with him. Maybe 10 minutes. He was a great kid. Polite, smart, athletic. Perfect grades. I also remember him telling me how influential his church and his youth pastor was in his life. I came home and re-read the story I had written earlier this year. I saw that he had plans on going on a missions trip to Ecuador this summer. My heart is breaking for his family.

Of course my thoughts went to Noah, and the horror I would be feeling if it were him. I can't imagine what that student's parents must be going through.

After I got to church, I couldn't help but look around the room in our youth group at each of those kids and feel so much. I love those kids like they're my own. The idea that someday, it could be us getting a call that something has happened to one of them kept filling my mind. My heart was so heavy as I was thinking about each of them.

I worry because not all of them say they have a relationship with God. I want them to know Him the way He wants to know them. I've always wanted that for them, but now it just seems so much more urgent. Please pray for me, in lots of areas, but that I will do my best to encourage these kids and show God's love to them.

And pray that I can stay away from the Girl Scout cookies in my pantry...

Thanks for reading,
Jen

***Update - Ok, so I'm glad I didn't list the student's name, because he wasn't the one who died in the car accident. Lori texted me this morning to say that our source for that bit of information wasn't all that reliable and it was incorrect. It might have been his father who passed away, but I'm not positive about that either.

But either way, as sad as I was during the time I thought it was the student, it made me really think about a lot of things and put some things in perspective, and for that I am thankful.