What I learned about Fear - Ecuador, part 1

Pretty plane picture taken by Noah

This is part 1 of an 8-part blog on our 2 weeks in Ecuador this summer... I would love for you to take this journey with me through this blog :)

I am pretty much afraid of everything. Water, heights, the dark, deer, owls – you name it, I have some level of fear of it.

So making a move from my safe, comfy home in Barboursville, WV, for two weeks in Ecuador, brought with it an entirely new list of things to fear – forgetting our passports and missing the trip, flying, spearing, malaria, being detained in Ecuador, kidnappings, the bus driving off the side of the mountain,  natural disasters, etc.

Our flight was from Charleston, W.Va., to Atlanta, which took less than an hour. Not scary. I was proud of myself. Then after a 9-hour layover, the fears came flooding in.

Noah, waiting to board the plane in
Charleston

Occupying ourselves during the layover :)

At the last second there were “mechanical problems” that were fixed in 5 minutes. (Does that mean it was a tiny problem, or did they do a not-so-thorough job at fixing whatever problem it was?) Then we had problems with our boarding passes, and literally had them thrown to us to get us on the plane as quickly as possible. Being the last ones on, everyone else was happily seated and buckled in, while we were scurrying around the plane searching for carry-on space.

Then came a good hour of flying, with the sun setting and glowing all pretty, and all of a sudden, turbulence and the blackest, meanest clouds I’ve ever seen up close, and several hours of flying left to be done.

I was rather confident I wasn’t going to make it out alive, and began praying pretty hard and preparing to meet Jesus in person. Somehow during that time, God brought me peace.

Our group after arriving in Quito, Ecuador...
we were so tired

All these other things I had been afraid of before didn’t make me panic after that. We landed in Quito and took a 2-hour bus ride to the city of Ibarra, and stayed there for a week. I had peace and enjoyed each minute.

Then we took a 5-hour bus ride to the city of Ambato. A couple days into that city, we were awakened early to the sounds of loud, angry Spanish-speaking voices in the lobby of our hotel. That was followed by the sounds of banging and glass breaking. Then silence.

Fear came rushing back. I honestly don’t know if I have ever felt that scared in my life. Not knowing what the voices were angry about, and not knowing that the glass was just the porcelain basins of the lobby water jugs rather than the glass walls and windows, compounded with not knowing how to call the police – I was a mess. Crying and praying hard.

Some of our group helping to clean the
hotel lobby after the scuffle

Turns out, it was a scuffle in the lobby between a hotel guest’s drunk friend and the owner of the hotel, not a group of mafia-style men out to get all American Christians staying in the hotel (as my 5 a.m. mind led me to believe).

I know I have blogged many times about fear. And I like to think that one day I will have it all mastered and will not need to keep learning lessons about this, but until then, hopefully someone else can be learning along with me.

Fear keeps sneaking in. But God gently reminded me, again, that when I am afraid, I am not trusting Him. 

Whether it’s about our safety, or my fear of not making a difference while on the trip, if I truly believe God is who He says He is, I won’t be afraid. I have no reason to.

God is big, powerful, limitless, loving, and because of this, I can’t fear.

Do I trust Him? Do I believe that whatever happens, God will use it for His glory? Yes. Ultimately when I think it through, that is what I want – His glory.

While a perfect flight, health and a great trip sound wonderful, God’s glory and His plan are what matter most.

Even if difficult things in life happen (malaria, lost luggage), I don’t need to fear, because I am never alone.

God reminded me that His sovereign will is what will happen on the trip, and that is what I wanted and needed to hear. Thanking Him for His peace

Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.

 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.”

Do Your Thing

Carny started out in our family as a tiny goldfish Noah won at the Barboursville Fall Fest more than a year and a half ago. He fit nicely in a tiny bowl, with a tiny plastic plant. No filter required, just a fresh bottle of water every other week. We haven't had a fish last longer than three months except our miracle fish, Moon. Carny continued to grow, so we upped his tank to a  2.5 gallon tank, still just changing the water as needed.

**Side note - Moon, the miracle fish, happened when Noah and I had walked through Wal-Mart one day, looking at the pet supply section, with Noah asking for a fish. I told him we would need to discuss it as a family, rather than just getting one and going home with it. Noah must have talked to Someone above me, because late that night, there was a ringing of the doorbell. I ran to see what it was, without considering how unsafe it is to just open up your door at 11p.m., and found a water-filled-baggie with a tiny goldfish. I still don't know who did it, but I'm pretty sure I know Who told them to do it.

Carny kept living and growing. So with little room to function in the tank, we decided on a 10-gallon tank, complete with filter and light. Carny didn't adjust well. He had all this new space to swim and explore, but he kept himself in the back corner. It was like the light and the buzzing of the filter were too freaky for him and he couldn't handle it. So here was this huge space for him to enjoy, relax, explore, and navigate in, and instead, he stayed hunkered down near the back corner floor, only coming up for food occasionally. It was hard for me to understand... If only I could speak "fish" I could've told him it was safe, it was better for him, that he would love it! I would've told him to trust me.

I can just imagine that God would love to tell me some similar things at times, if only I would listen. 

Often it takes me too long to get on board with what God wants me to do. I like to be sure :) But I waste so much time and miss out on so much because of fear. Sometimes I wimp out completely and don't do it at all. The times I haven't let fear hold me back have been so meaningful and beautiful that I should never let fear bully me again.

I mentioned in a previous blog that God had been nudging me to open my home to neighbors for a Bible study, get to know them, involve myself in my community He has placed me in. I prayed about it for more than a year, and finally got the nerve to do it earlier this year, passing out flyers to every neighbor in my subdivision. We just finished our first book study, and these four ladies mean so much to me. The conversations we have had, things we have learned from each other, prayers prayed over our families and our problems, and friendships formed - I couldn't be more thankful. We are starting a new book this week!

I would've missed out on all of this if I had stayed hunkered down in my corner of the tank.

God didn't make me swim out alone. He was there right beside me, giving me what I needed, when I needed it. He said in Isaiah 41:13,

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'" 

Is there anything God is asking you to do? Know that He won't make you do it alone. God has purposes for each of us. Sometimes it's a big thing... Adopt a kid, teach a class, change occupations. Sometimes it's a seemingly smaller thing... make dinner for someone, babysit, cut someone's grass, smile. Each one of them is important.

Whatever it is, do that thing. It's your thing. It's the thing that God has planned for you right now. Don't miss it. There's a whole 10-gallons out there that God wants to share with you.

Middle School, blood moons, and naked?

Before I had to pick Noah up from middle school for the first time, I tried so hard to make it simple for him. I was concerned he wouldn't see me and wouldn't know what to do. I didn't want him to worry or to have trouble finding me, so I showed him the parking lot I would be parked in ahead of time, and made sure to get there way early so he wouldn't be left wandering around thinking I had forgotten him. 

I also prayed for him constantly during the day, that God would calm any fears he had about it. 

You can probably guess that it turned out just fine. 

*On a side note, I realize I worry about everything WAY too much. I remember when Noah was in kindergarten and I packed his lunch, including a prepackaged 6-pack of peanut butter crackers. I went on to work, and thought more about it as the morning went on, worrying that he wouldn't know how to open the package on his own, and would probably be famished by the end of the day. I left work to go home (20 minutes each way) to get another package of crackers and open them and put them in a baggie, and took them to school so he could get to them. I'm nuts, and looking back, I am so thankful for supervisors that put up with me... 

Stay with me for a second... 

This week there was lots of talk of the Blood Moon, which reminded me to write this blog. I used to get so nervous and anxious when there was any talk about Jesus' return, the last days, end of the world, etc. Even as an adult. 

While I feel very confident of my relationship with God, there is something about the unknown. 

Kind of like how having a baby is a beautiful thing, but labor is suckish and terrifying. Regardless of how indescribably exciting having a baby might be, thinking about the pain and 99.7 ways it could go wrong, and ways it could embarrass you later (like when your water broke all over the nurse's cute shoe and there was nothing you could do about it, but it still haunts you... grody), is enough to make you want to keep the bun in the proverbial oven...

That's how I've always felt about the end of the world. Not knowing how or when it will happen seems so scary. 

If you say you aren't scared... just take a little peek at the book of Revelation, with CNN on in the background, right before you drift off to sleep...If you're still not scared, I am impressed. I mean we're talking huge earthquakes, famine, black sun, bloody moon (ikr?), sea turning into blood, a 7-headed-10-horned enormous red dragon... the list goes on... I know little about how this all will go down, because I avoid the book of Revelation like the plague (speaking of, I think there might be some of those in there too)

Here's a brief list of things I fear regarding the subject... terrifying things like the idea of the being tortured for knowing Christ, starvation, not making it to heaven, Or Jesus coming back for us while I'm  in the shower... Do I go naked? Do we all go naked? 

So one day as I was mentally panicking about all of these things, God calmed my heart. He reminded me of how much I care about and love Noah. He reminded me that I did everything I possibly could to make picking Noah up as easy as possible for him. I parked where I said I would, I was there on time, I was looking for him and was prepared to hop out of the car to flag him down if he didn't see me. If I did all of this for Noah, why would I think I have anything to fear when my Jesus comes back for me, or when I go to meet Him? 

Regardless of how it happens, God, who loves us more than we could ever love anyone, will not leave us alone. Whatever we will go through, we won't be facing it by ourselves. The Creator of everything will be right beside us. If that doesn't bring me comfort, what can? 

Bring it on, Revelation and CNN... bring it on... I'm gonna sleep like a baby. 

Here are a couple of Revelation verses that I happen to love, and want to end on... 

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away...I am making everything new!" - Revelation 21:4-5a