Birds, brokenness, and God's track record

Peregrine falcons are interesting. They are fast and they are committed. These birds keep the same mate for life.

The only reason I have even heard of these particular falcons is from working at the Ironton Tribune and doing a story once about some fledglings that were in a nest on the Ironton-Russell Bridge. The falcons were going to be banded and named in a ceremony of sorts, open to the public.

I was able to climb on the bridge and be close to their nest and get a couple of pictures and it wasn't pleasant. I am terrified of heights and water, so a bridge that is in such bad shape it is about to be torn down was not my favorite. I prayed a bunch.

These tiny falcons were to be temporarily removed from their nests by wildlife experts, taken to a picnic shelter at the base of the bridge, and given a tiny ID bracelet around their tiny falcon legs. Then some students who had been studying them were going to name them.

Though the little falcons would only be away from their parents for a short time, and then carefully returned to their nests, their mom and dad had no idea what had happened to them.

The screeches and squawks above the Ohio River were kind of heartbreaking, knowing that these loving parents were so scared and so helpless, swooping and flying all around the bridge in a panic, and not realizing their babies and their situation were safely in the hands of professionals.


There have been so many times in my life that I have felt like that falcon couple. I felt fear and panic, and began my own screeching and squawking, wondering why something has happened, why it seemed like there was no one to help and nothing I could do. And, like the falcons, I didn't see that I had a Professional in control of the situation the entire time.

My parents' divorce - God was there.
My Mom's sickness - God was there.
My loss of two pregnancies - God was there.

Just a few of my own examples. These situations were ugly and messy and didn't go the way I wanted, but I was never alone for even a second. It may have felt that way sometimes. There were many times I felt desperate and heartbroken.

In Psalm 77, the writer says in verses 1-9,

     "I cried out to God for help;
        I cried out to God to hear me.
     When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
        at night I stretched out untiring hands
        and my soul refused to be comforted.
     I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
        I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
     You kept my eyes from closing;
        I was too troubled to speak.
     I thought about the former days,
        the years of long ago;
     I remembered my songs in the night.
        My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
     'Will the Lord reject forever?
        Will he never show his favor again?
     Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
        Has his promise failed for all time?
     Has God forgotten to be merciful?
       Has he in anger withheld his compassion?'"

We aren't the first to feel abandoned. This writer wasn't afraid to let God know how he felt and we shouldn't be either. Our screeching and squawking to God also keeps us listening for His voice. In verses 11 and 12, the writer goes a different direction. He begins to remember all the times God has clearly been present throughout history and focuses on God's power and faithfulness.

     "I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
        yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
     I will meditate on all your works
        and consider all your mighty deeds."

If you are in the middle of your own squawking and screeching, hurting and brokenness, remember your Professional is close by. Remember the times He has been with you before, and the times before that He has been with others. You probably know some great examples from your own life, the lives of your family and friends. And the Bible is full of some too.

He has it under control. He wants the best for you and He will not leave you.

"...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." - Joshua 1:5b

Teresa and some other stuff

A coworker of mine passed away last week at a young 51 years of age. I didn't get to know her as much as I would have liked, as my position as a reporter was to cover for her while she underwent treatment after a recent cancer diagnosis. For most of my time there, she was on medical leave. But I did have several months during my internship at the paper that she was still there, and weeks here and there when she would be between treatments. Here is what I know about Teresa.

She was helpful. She would often ask if there was any way she could help me, regardless of the work she had to do.
She always smiled. Regardless of her own struggles. Regardless of cancer and divorce occuring simultaneously. She smiled.
She was a hard worker. She took her job seriously and it was obvious she loved what she did.
She loved her daughter. She spent time with her, and on her daughter's days off from school, she would sometimes bring her to work with her.
She was a classy lady.

I wish I had more time to know her.

After her funeral, a few of us from the paper decided to have lunch together. It was good. During conversation, a friend said to us that when she passes away, "If you are still around, please say something about me at my service, or I will haunt you." There wasn't much said about Teresa during her service. It's possible that it is just the way things are done in the Lutheran church. But it left me feeling like Teresa didn't get quite the "send off" that she deserved.

I have written what I thought about Teresa.  I would have loved to hear what others had to say about her.

I've thought a lot about death this week. First with Teresa dying, and then I was listening to a series of sermons about what happens when we die. Great podcasts, and they had me thinking. The pastor mentioned funerals he had led over the years, and that he had, at times, been asked to do funerals for people he didn't know well. During times like this, he would ask the family members to tell a little about the person who died - something they were passionate about, what meant a lot to them. He said once there was a man who died, and as he talked to the family, he asked them the same question.  The room was silent, and finally the recently departed's mom said, "He loved hats. He had the best hat collection."

Sad that after his entire life, hats are all they could muster.

It got me thinking, what would people say about me? At my service, as my coworkers, family, and friends get together for a few minutes to say goodbye, what would be said about me?
I know the things I hope would be said. But are the things I think I feel are important to me, really important enough in my life that other people would notice? Man, I hope so.

During our lunch after the service, one friend mentioned how he hates when people use funerals to try to get people saved. (It didn't happen at this service, just something we talked about in conversation). He said he gets it, just that it isn't the time or the place. I understand why he feels that way.

And I also understand why it is done. There are times that people will only be in a church for a funeral, and no other time. Maybe that will be the only time someone can tell that person how much God loves them. But it did get me thinking, and while I hope that good can somehow come from my death, I hope more good can come from my life. I hope people I know and am around will see Jesus in my life. That they will want it too, becuase I really want it for them. Life is so much better with Him. Peace, love, courage, forgiveness, hope - a whole bunch of stuff that God gives that doesn't come from anywhere else.

I really would love for someone at my service to say, "She was a girl who loved Jesus. She was a girl who loved people like Jesus did."

I know I have far to go for this to be said of me, but it's my goal.

2 Timothy 4:7
      I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Sticky notes and tassels

Noah wanted an iPod for his 9^th birthday. While I was worried about two things – 1. He will be disappointed to receive such a physically small present as his only present, and 2. Is he prepared to be responsible for such a pricy gift? – We did it and he loved it. He did a great job taking care of it. In fact, the only scratch even on it was from something I did.

But as electronics go, he eventually wanted the newer version – the iPod Touch. We bought it for another holiday when he was 11. Unfortunately, on a Friday evening, he and his dad got home late and Noah changed into his pajamas half-asleep. The next morning, my husband did a load of laundry and Noah’s iPod touch was in the pocket of his jeans. The iPod was ruined. We tried rice, letting it air dry. Nothing worked. So my husband decided the fair thing to do to teach a lesson in responsibility was to have Noah pay half of the cost of a replacement iPod and he would pay the other half. So that’s what they did. Fast-forward a couple of months, and I did laundry, and when putting the clothes in the dryer, I saw the new iPod in the bottom of the washer. Ruined. We prayed over that iPod and everything. He ended up getting an iPad for Christmas a few months later, rather than the long list of Legos he had originally hoped for. (iPads are much larger than iPods and harder to miss going in the washer).

While my husband and I disagreed about whose responsibility it is to check the pockets before washing – the wearer of the pants or the laundry doers – I had a hard time remembering to check the pockets before dumping clothes into the washer, even after two traumatic laundering experiences. So I put a sticky-note with a big, black check-mark over the detergent hole to remind me of my responsibility before each load. It helped tremendously. I haven’t missed checking a load since.

For my Bible reading, I am in the book of Numbers. I was cruising through lots of rules and regulations and punishments, when in chapter 15, verses 32 through 36, I read about a guy who was gathering wood on the Sabbath day – a violation of the rules God had given them. God commanded Moses that this guy had to die for his blatant disregard for God’s commands.

Back to rules and such in verses 37 through 40, it says, “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘Throughout the generations to come you are to make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel. You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes. Then you will remember to obey all my commands and will be consecrated to your God.”

The tassels for the Israelites were a kind of check-mark sticky note for the Israelites. These tassels (I kind of envision a Dolly Parton sort of fringe, though I think I’m way off on that one) were to remind them of the laws to obey, laws designed to guard their hearts, to keep them focused, to train them to control their actions, and especially to give honor and worship to God.

When an Israelite woke up and put on her ensemble for the day, she would see a tassel and remember to have reverence and respect for God and only God – no golden calves, no man-made idols. Her focus would be brought back to Him, perhaps leading her to remember how awesome He is. How He led her and her people out of Egypt, when without Him it would have been impossible. How she was once literal a slave, but now she is free. How He led her and her people by a cloud during the day and fire by night. How He gave her manna to keep her from being hungry.

When this Israelite lady would clean laundry during the day, she would see her tassel on her sleeve and remember God’s command saying she isn’t to covet her neighbor’s house. She would look around and see her own home, her own dishes, her bed, and be thankful for the comfort she has, thankful for a place to rest her head and be with her family.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in big, time-consuming projects I get myself into, or so distracted by regular everyday routines that I could use a tassel. Or a sticky note. Something to remind me of what God wants from me. Something to remind me of what he has already done for me.

Some of these things happen naturally. When Noah makes me laugh, or gets his own ear-to-ear, wide-eyed, genuine smile, I naturally thank God for letting me be his mom, and naturally feel a renewed passion not to screw him up.

When I see a beautiful sunset – the kind with pinks and purples all mixed in - I instantly tell God, “Nice work!”

But in everyday things, how do I remind myself to not grumble when things don’t go my way? How do I remember to be thankful in all things? What about the days I’m feeling down on myself? How do I remind myself not to bring everyone around me down too? On days I’m doubting how God is going to make things work out, how do I remind myself of the many, many times He has been there for me, and the bunches of times He has been there for His people in every situation I read in my Bible?

I really don’t want to go with tassels. That’s kind of ‘80s-country and not my thing. But I need a plan. I’m thinking maybe sticky notes.

Maybe one on my mirror to remind me of how I can trust God, no matter what, like Psalm 9:10 –“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Maybe one in my kitchen to remind me to be thankful - 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”

For you, it could be something other than sticky notes. I heard a woman on the radio saying she talked to God about thinking about Him, and knowing He is thinking about her, when she sees a robin. Sounds kind of kooky, I know, and she admitted as much, but she said the experiences she has had with robins because of this have meant so much to her. Whatever works for you, just make a plan to remember.

I will start with my two sticky notes and hopefully add more. More promises, more reminders. Like the Israelites, I hope this plan will remind me of blessings, guard my heart, keep me focused and keep me thankful.

Old pizza

Yesterday we had pizza for dinner... Again. After dinner I started to put the leftover pizza, box and all, in the refrigerator, when I realized I had no room in there because of two other pizza boxes. (I know- there are several things wrong with this - But stay focused :)

No kidding, for a minute I considered just leaving the new, fresh pizza leftovers on the counter to be thrown away because the old, hard moldy pizza in the fridge was taking up all the room. 

Then it hit me that I was kind of doing the same thing with my thoughts. Over the last few weeks I have had some nasty leftovers of fear, frustration, a little anger, and some sadness filling up my mind. That left little room for good stuff like thankfulness, happiness, fun, and smiles. 

Philippians 4:8 (the Message version) says "Summimg it up friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

I think there's truth in that. So today I'm making a real effort to declutter. I will think good thoughts, and try focussing on what I can do for other people. At least for today :)

And, in case you are wondering, I did take the gross pizza out of the fridge :)

fear, Joshua, and middle school

Fear. That is what is motivating this blog post. My only child has started middle school and I am not ready. We have everything - it's not that. We bought a backpack, paper, pencils, pens, folders, etc. But I am not emotionally ready. I have dreaded this moment from at least as early as the beginning of 5th grade. I remember tearing up when Noah had his last elementary play, when I had my last few lunches with him, and of course at the 5th grade graduation. With sadness and trepidation, I have shared my worries with his elementary principal, my mother-in-law, my cashier at IHOP - anyone who will listen.

However, time marches on whether we are ready or not. Sunday was the middle school open house. I cried. Twice. Not bad - I expected more tears. Noah showed us around the place and we eagerly checked out the 6th grade hallway where his classes would mostly be.

Sunday night, I stared off into space as I tried to sleep, worry consuming me. What if he hates it? What if he can't find his classes? What if someone says something mean to him? Hurts his feelings? What if he can't find someone to sit beside at lunch? What if he doesn't understand what is being taught? What if he has a mean teacher? What if my sweet boy starts using drugs?

I eventually drifted off, and woke up to the blaring alarm clock. I kept my composure very well. I drove him to school, and parked in the parking lot across the street. I prayed with him on the way there, just as I have done every morning since preschool. He got out and crossed the street, and walked to the door - a seemingly hour-long process. I drove away as he went in the door, and the tears started flowing (mine, not Noah's). I prayed the entire way home, sobbing (talk about distracted driving - thankful I made it home). I cried walking into my house, sitting on my couch. Then I had a deep urge to get my Bible.

I quickly searched for words of comfort, that only God can bring. He delivered.

I remembered something about God's promises to Joshua, so I went there. After thumbing through the book backward (don't know why I always do it this way), I decided I might as well start at chapter 1, and just keep reading until I found comfort. I had plenty of time, but I didn't need it. Turns out, chapter 1 is exactly where God was sending me.

Twice God tells Joshua that He will never leave him. I began to feel my fears ease. God was with Joshua. He was handing over to Joshua the honor/enormous responsibility of leading the Israelites, right after the death of Moses. I wonder what Joshua could have been feeling that day. Maybe honor. That God would trust him to lead His people into the promised land had to be pretty flattering. Clearly there was a little fear; God wouldn't have bothered with all this "Be strong and courageous" business, (which is mentioned 4 times in chapter 1) if it was going to be a cakewalk. (Not exactly sure what a cakewalk is, but I'm assuming it's pretty easy). I think there had to be a little uneasiness as well. Those Israelites could be a whiny bunch. "We miss Egypt! We're tired of manna! Moses has been gone for a few weeks - we need a gold cow ASAP!!"

But, knowing Joshua's heart, God was quick to reassure him. "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

I know these words were spoken specifically for Joshua. But Monday morning, a few minutes before 8 a.m., God let me know that He means them for me too. He loves me and he loves Noah just as much as He loves Joshua. He won't leave Joshua? He won't leave me. He won't leave Noah.

Then came peace. How much more could I need? If I were with Noah all day at middle school, I might be of some comfort (If we can pretend he wasn't humiliated by me being there), but there could be a million things that might come up where I would be of no use. But God - He can do anything. And he will never leave Noah. He will go with him, through homeroom, through social studies, through lunch, through cross country practice.

God also directed Joshua to "Be strong and courageous." Seriously, this was mentioned four times in the 18 verses. I think He meant it. My favorite is verse 9.

      "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

So, it's time to put on my big-girl-panties and be strong. God is with us. What better way to get gain courage?

I'm happy to say that when I picked him up from cross country practice at 4:30 (I was a little early), he told me he had a great day. But then again, how could he not? He had some seriously great company :)

p.s. - a  big 'thank you' to my friends who helped keep me busy, who prayed for me and who checked on me during this. Thanks for understanding my craziness :) Love you all!!

He restores my soul

My "health" blog has been unintentinally on a bit of a break this summer, as are my healthy efforts, but I miss writing the blog and had some other thoughts I wanted to write about tonight...

Growing up in church and getting most of my education at a Christian school, I feel like I've heard the 23rd Psalm more times than my own name. Not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes we can hear something over and over until it begins to lose meaning. But I love it when something jumps out at you when you least expect it.

I was at a funeral yesterday and Psalm 23 was read. As the speaker was reading... The Lord is my shepherd... He makes me lie down in green pastures... He restores my soul...

He restores my soul.

Dicitonary.com defines restore as "to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor."

I can't count the times I have needed my soul restored. I have felt depleted, I have felt empty, I have felt exhausted, I have felt I'm at the end of my rope. I have felt like a failure, I have felt alone, I have felt broken.

I feel the opposite of someone restored.

Then God finds a perfect way to remind me that I am His. Even if I have screwed up - and believe me, I have. Countless times. He loves on me, reminding me that I am His baby girl, the one He loved more than life. He reminds me that He doesn't love me because I'm perfect and when I'm imperfect it doesn't change His love for me. He just loves me. Period. Nothing I could ever do will make Him love me more and nothing I could ever do could make Him love me less. He just loves me.

And He loves me enough to continue to restore me, over and over.

When God restores, He really restores. And I am thankful.

Stepping it up a notch :)

So, it's been two weeks since my last blog. I posted about how great the Memorial Day 5K went and how I had made a weight-loss goal, yay me, blah blah blah. Well, since then, I have done nothing :(  I haven't exercised even one time and I had several instances of eating things that were bad for me. Consequently, I have put 4 pounds back on. Not surprising. I know I tend to resort to food when I am happy, sad, stressed, etc. I have felt a little bummed and stressed over the last couple of weeks, for various reasons, and easily turned to food, knowing that it wasn't the answer.

But... starting today, I am stepping it up a notch.

After talking about needing to exercise again, the husband wisely commented that I seemed to stick to this whole exercise thing better when I was following the Couch to 5K program (which, if anyone is interested in checking out, and I highly recommend it, can be found at  http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml ). I decided I need a new plan. So... today I began a 10K training program! :)  Yay! If anyone else is interested, it is found here: http://blog.c25kapp.com/about-bridge-to-10k/ . Tonight I did the first run for Week 1 and it felt great! Why did I wait so long?

Oh, and to the left is my most recent pair of goal pants. Super excited about some day fitting into them :)

I ate well today - banana and Nutrigrain bar for breakfast, followed by a grilled chicken sandwich and baked potato for lunch and two Fresco chicken soft tacos and a side of rice from Taco Bell. I even drank water today. That's right, I drank water. I am a serious pop drinker, and while I have been drinking diet pop since the weight loss plan began, I drink a lot of it and no water. So today, I limited myself to only drink pop with my meals, and not putting the Cherry Coke Zero on my desk to sip on throughout the morning. I drank water.

While I am very excited about how today has gone, I am apprehensive to assume the rest of my week will be equally successful. I am hopeful though. Tune in next week and I'll tell you, good or bad :)

Thanks so much for reading! :)